#67, Ben Sundance.

Ben, i barely knew you before you died. You were Suzanna's (half-?) brother, and an all-around Great Guy. Everyone wanted to know you. You were a few years older than us, and always knew where the party was. You listened to the Beastie Boys, and all the girls had crushes on ya. One year, you had a new year's eve party, which Suzanna was allowed to bring me to (!). i remember there were lots of cute, older boys, and a giant bowl of plain M&Ms on the table, which to me at the time seemed like the height of Party Fun. i impressed one of you with my joint-rolling skills (hey, what can i say?), and then someone put on "Mellow Yellow" by Donovan. It totally blew my mind, and i remember thinking the next day that you and your friends were the coolest people ever.
One night after an argument with your girlfriend, you hung yourself. No one had any idea it was going to happen. Suzanna was a shell of her former self. Your memorial was held at the Berkeley Marina, on the day of my high school graduation. All of my friends wanted to get drunk before their graduation ceremony instead of going, which is something i am still mad about sometimes. i showed up near the water with my cap and gown in hand, wearing my only black dress (it was velvet), because i had never done this before. Everyone else was dressed for the cold, windy weather. i followed the kites that were tied to the picnic tables. We all cried and laughed, while the wind blew and blew. i hardly knew you, but it felt good to be there, and to be there for Suzanna. i was still crying as i slipped into the line of new graduates a couple of hours later, trying to pin on that stupid graduation cap. Hope you are watching over Suzanna, if that sort of thing is at all possible, and that whatever it was no longer hurts.